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Some car enthusiasts love their rides so much, they send the brand a letter about how much they adore their car. I love Smart so much I named myself after its parent company. Rob loves his Toyota 4Runner so much that he wrote an essay about it and sent it to colleges and Toyota. Perhaps as endearing as the letters themselves are how automakers respond to their biggest fans.
For me, Smart USA considered making my story into an ad campaign, and in the end, I’d get a free car. That was torpedoed when Mercedes-Benz USA took over distribution from Penske Automotive Group. In more recent times, a PR person at U-Haul sent me merch and a lengthy handwritten to thank me for being such a big U-Haul fan.
But, what if you love a brand that’s been dead and gone for a long time? Sid Bridge offers an amusing fictional tale:
Just trying to imagine if I tried this today:
Dear GM,
I just wanted to write to express my love for my 1968 Oldsmobile, a faithful companion to me for the last 23 years. With every turn of the key, the roar of it’s big block V8 makes me happier than you can imagine. I look forward to many more miles and many more years with my 4-4-2.
-Sid
Dear Sid,
My name is Frank. It’s my job to read all of these letters and send replies. This is the first Oldsmobile letter I’ve gotten since I took this job. I’m sure my predecessor had a few, but I can’t ask him because he fell asleep with a cigar in his mouth and now we don’t have a break room or Marshall anymore. I’m going to miss Marshall. He always had Starlight mints.
Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yes. Your Oldsmobile. I shared your letter with my immediate supervisor and received a reprimand for mentioning a dead brand in front of him. My bonus just went down by 15%, so I’m a little salty right now, but I can’t blame that on you, in spite of your inability to let go of the past and see any of the great new offerings from General Motors. Seriously, man. We have a Chevy Equinox that makes more factory horsepower than those Oldsmobiles did.
But I’m assuming you really wrote hoping for some free Oldsmobile swag. We don’t have any. The brand’s been dead for almost two decades. The best I can do is enclosed in this envelope. I’m sending you a cute little business card that turns into a sponge. It says “Safelite” on it because that’s who I got it from. I’m also including my most treasured possession, the charred remains of Marshall’s cigar. He sure picked the best cigars to smoke while immolating himself in our break room.
I do hope you continue to enjoy your Oldsmobile. I’m still driving a Chevy Trax with 180,000 miles on it and a rattle in the dashboard that not one genius in this office can figure out. It just keeps rattling and rattling way, even as my ex-wife drives around in the Toyota Highlander that I’m still paying for while giving road head to the f**king contractor who remodeled our bathroom.
Good day, sir.
That’s it, that just takes all of COTD today. You rock, Sid! Have a great evening, everyone.
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